Monday, January 31, 2011

What not to wear: men's edition

I know that I made this post a long time ago, but recently I've realized that men are equally guilty of fashion violations than women are. They're less scrutinized than women, but to me that shouldn't make a difference!

Of course, these are all my personal opinions, and I can't tell you what to wear, but from a woman's perspective, I can tell you what I think looks good and what doesn't. Follow my words, gentlemen, and I promise you will increase your chances of getting laid.

And if I hurt any feelings from posting this, well, be a man and suck it up.

Do NOT wear (aka, things that guys wear that piss Megan off) :

1) Stupid stereotypical Abercrombie/Hollister wear
I'm talkin' polos, hoodies, and sweaters with Abercrombie plastered all over the front. They're not good looking, original, or will get you noticed. You will look like the average joe and you will be blowin' big bucks for it at the same time. Outerwear/button shirts are okay, however. 

2) Tank tops with the sides torn/cut
Yeah. We get it. You've been working out and you're totally hot. But you know what? You also look like a douchebag. I'm talking about the stereotypical frat boy/lazy college guy thing, where guys feel the need to cut the sides of their tank tops to show off their killer bods. And to look like tools. If you're at a college party and just want a one night stand, then by all means, get snippin' with those tanks. However, if you really want to impress a woman, go for something classier. Way classier. 

3) Ill-fitting jeans
Yes, it does make a difference in what jeans you wear. They're pretty much a staple of a man's wardrobe, so you might as well invest some time into them! You can have a totally gorgeous ass, but if your jeans don't look amazing on you, no one's going to know about your alleged godly glutes. If you're completely in the dark on finding the right pair of jeans, I have two suggestions: first, read online articles like this one to get started. Afterwards, just go shopping and try stuff on! Pay careful attention to how you look in them, especially your crotch and backside. Also make sure they're long enough. 

4) Tennis shoes/nikes
I don't know why, they bug me. There are way more stylish shoes out there.

5) Wearing pink
What are you talking about, Megan? Real men wear pink! Bullshit. You look like you're trying too hard to prove your masculinity. Real men know which colors look good on them.
(Unless, of course, pink really honestly does look good on you. Then go right ahead.)

6) Shirts that are too big
Wearing XXL shirts when you're actually a Medium will make you look twelve years old. Stop that. 

7) Basketball shorts
They're the male equivalent to sweatpants and Ugg boots. Is it really that hard to slip into a pair of jeans in the morning? It only takes, what, 5 more seconds? 
(For the record, guys wearing sweatpants in public is also gross)

8) Mountain men hair/beards
You look like a serial rapist. Get a haircut. 

DO wear (aka, things that guys wear that Megan finds incredibly attractive) : 

1) Blazers
Add instant class and sex appeal to a casual outfit. Great for day and night. 

2) Loafers/dress shoes/oxfords
let's face it, they look way classier and sophisticated than tennis shoes.

3) Leather jackets
Sexy. Timeless. Classic. Need I say more? 

4) Button-ups

5) The perfect 'do
Most guys just get cut once every God-knows-when and then let it go haywire until their general vision is blocked by hair. "Yeah, just a trim please." Well you know what's sexier? Actually having a cut that's actually, you know, stylish

6) Confidence. Charm. Sex appeal. The works.
Never leave home without this.

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