Thursday, August 26, 2010

What not to wear

I consider myself a very open-minded individual when it comes to fashion. However, there are some things in this world that I draw the line at. I am most likely going to hurt some feelings with this post, but frankly I don't really care. Because I'm pretty sure that I speak for a lot of people when I say that the following are an offense to society and my eyeballs:

(In no particular order)

1) Excessive tanning
In no way do I find this appealing at all. Considering that I had jaundice when I was an infant, you all are lucky that I'm not easily offended. I hope you look like a leather bag 20 years from now.

2) Leggings as pants
I admit, I do love the leggings/tights trend. It's very versatile, slimming, and works quite nicely in cooler weather. However, in the past few years, girls have been getting this asinine notion that it is okay to substitute these things as pants. I don't care if you're a size 00 or size 16, camel toe is never attractive, and neither is seeing your underpants.

(Fyi, it's only okay to wear these things with either a skirt, dress, or a really long shirt. And when I mean long, I mean long enough to cover your butt.)

3) Clothes that are too tight

It really grinds my nerves when people buy the wrong clothing size. All that tight clothing just makes you look even worse. Too often do I see a girl wearing jeans that are several sizes too small, bringing out the dreaded muffin top. Which is funny, because it ends up making them look fatter instead of the opposite. Here's a fun fact: skinny jeans don't make you skinny.

4) Clothes that are too large
I hate it when guys (and girls) choose to wear clothes that are several sizes too large. For one, it's impossible to tell a guy's age when he looks like a 14-year-old raiding his dad's closet; and two, it's not flattering at all. What's even more frustrating is, some of these people have pretty decent bodies, yet they choose to hide it. I remember I had that 6th grade. When I was a complete dork who didn't know how to dress and only wore the t-shirts that mommy bought me that were often too big but I didn't care because they had dolphins on it.

5) Asian mullets
Saw this A LOT when I was in Hong Kong. You know what I'm talking about. Asians who try and pick up the whole choppy 104832492 layers look, and end up spiking it with hair gel to kingdom come in an attempt to look like super saiyan. I've only seen it look decent on androgynous looking Japanese singers, but otherwise I really don't think it looks good at all. Mullets didn't look good in the 80s, and they most certainly don't look good now.

6) Sweats with buttwords
I've never been a fan of wearing sweats in public anyway. I don't care if your class starts in 10 minutes, it takes just as much time to slip on a pair of jeans. Unless of course you slept in sweats last night, either way you really shouldn't be wearing these unless you're going to the gym or taking the dog for a walk or something.

Anyways, I really think these sweatpants that have words like JUICY or SEXY written across the buttocks are just silly, because often times it's just false advertisement.

^I once saw a lady wear this exact same outfit. In public. And it was bright pink. It turned me off from Juicy Couture forever.

7) Crocs
....I really don't need to elaborate on this.

8) North Face jackets
For some reason, almost every Asian I know owns one of these and proceeds to wear it 300 days out of the year with every single one of their outfits. I really don't see the appeal. They don't look that nice, and they're not that warm to be honest. I only wear mine when I go skiing.

9) These things:
WHAT in GOD'S name are these? I don't even know what they're called, but I saw them everywhere when in HK. I couldn't understand it at first. Are they diapers or something? Do you hide things in them when going through airport security? I don't see why girls would need to wear these unless they have a dirty little secret...

If these ever become popular in the U.S., I'm afraid I will have to sew my eyelids shut.

And for those who know me well, you're definitely gonna see this coming....

10) UGG boots
These are the biggest insult to fashion since...I don't know. Like a friend of mine said, they look like loaves of bread on peoples' feet. NOT flattering, NOT sexy, NOT to be worn in public. Ever. Boots should flatter your legs, not make them look shorter by a foot.

I've been told that they're great for cold weather, but at the same time, if you live somewhere with cold weather, chances are there's snow, right? Correct me if I'm wrong, but these things do not look waterproof at all. I'm pretty sure you can find better looking boots that are both warm AND waterproof. And don't look like loaves of bread.

I especially love it when girls wear these with miniskirts. As if you already don't look confused, it looks even better when it looks like you didn't even bother to look out the window this morning to determine the weather and the proper attire.

No, my favorite combination goes to:

Sometimes I'm ashamed to be a college student.

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