Wednesday, September 8, 2010

19 years young.

As a kid, I would always try to imagine what life would be like being "grown up." I would create these scenarios in my head of me doing adult things like drinking coffee, going to the bank, using big words, voting, learning calculus, etc. I often wondered what I would be like as an adult. Would I be pretty? Would I be smart? Would I be happy? Sad? Okay? Would I have brown hair? What color shirt would I be wearing? Would I be able to wear high heels? Would I be married and with 3 kids with a house in the suburbs, or live the bachelorette life in a studio apartment overlooking downtown?

At this point in my life, I wouldn't completely call myself an adult. I don't live on my own, I don't know how to cook without a recipe, I've never had kids, and sometimes I still have trouble wearing high heels. Sure, I can drive, travel by myself like a big girl, own my own bank account, and have boyfriends. But like I said, I'm not completely grown up yet. However, it's just starting to hit me that adulthood is pretty much here, and it's kind of a crazy feeling.

A lot of my friends who I've grown up with are turning 20. Some are already 20. Some are even 21. 24. 25. You name it. We're no longer ickle kiddies or teenagers anymore--we're big kids now. I'm sorry, big adults. Most of my guy friends have facial hair (legitimate facial hair, not 16-year-old peach fuzz), and a lot of my girl friends wear makeup and have closets full of shoes...including myself. Suddenly it's okay to date people several years older than you. Back in elementary or middle school, it would be considered weird to date outside your grade level. But nowadays, the only real criteria is, is he/she over 18? Of course, I've ogled a few graduate students here and there, but it's a really strange feeling looking back at all these years and realizing how much has changed.

Remember back when you were a kid, and you were considered an old person if you listened to jazz? Well here I am, listening to Frank Sinatra (I own two complete CDs by him!), realizing that people 5-10 years younger than me are probably thinking the exact same thing. Kids don't listen to Frank Sinatra! Only old people do that! Obviously, I don't feel that way anymore, as quite a few of my friends who are very young at heart listen to jazz, go to jazz bars, and have Old Blue Eyes listed under their favorite music on Facebook.

To make things even better, I recently had a wrinkle scare this summer! I was completely horrified. 19 years old, and with wrinkles? What a completely asinine thought! But I'm so young! It turned out to be dry skin on my eyelids, but that was when it really hit me. Women can start getting wrinkles as early as their mid 20s. That's five years from now. Do I really have five years left before I start looking haggard and gross? What happens next? Slower metabolisms? Gray hair? Memory loss? Back pains?

My youth is one of the things I treasure the most. I love being able to stay out with friends until 4am, eating at any hour without getting some nasty digestive problem, being in shape, having the ability to get away with crazy attire, being careless and making mistakes. That's why I love being in college, because I can start exploring the world that used to be so limited back in grade school.

Am I the only person who feels this way? It seemed that last year, most of my fellow freshman completely jumped into the adult world without looking back. For me, it took a little bit of pushing, but eventually I did too. But did anyone else pause to reflect back on the past 18-19 years and realize how much they've grown? Am I the only person who's completely awed by how much has changed over the past two decades? I mean, I'm happy with all my self growth, and I'm definitely enjoying my boundless youth and independence, but like I said, this is all kind of a crazy feeling. What will the future be like? What will it be like getting married, experiencing the miracles of childbirth, buying a house, and growing old? I'm a little reluctant on becoming an old lady, but if it's inevitable, bring it on. Carpe diem.

^and as a little kid, I would also never imagine myself ever taking Latin. See what I mean?
And I'm sorry if the blog title's a bit misleading. No, I did not recently have a birthday, I've been 19 for quite a while now. I just didn't want to put something generic and stupid like "growing pains."

How's everyone liking my new header, by the way? I drew it myself! I've always been a fan of art nouveau and burlesque outfits, so why not put them together? ^^

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